See how I cut through my own thoughts to find out what really drives me, my "Why".

​What do I want?

I want to run my own legitimate business that makes a lot of money.

1. Why?

Creating and running my own business would make my life meaningful.

2. Why would creating a business make your life more meaningful?

I love creating new things that impact people in a meaningful way.  Creating a business that helps people is the best way I know to create meaningful change.  

3. Why do you love to create new things?

I have an urge from deep inside to create big things.  I want to have a big impact.

4. Why do you want to have a big impact?

To prove I am great, that I can do more than most people, that I am unique, more determined and more driven than most people.

5. Why do you want to prove you are more determined and driven than most people?

I decided when I was young that I was great, and I would become rich by accomplishing great things.

6. Why did you decide you where great when you were young?

I made the decision in in 4th and 5th grade.  I knew I was smart from getting straight "A"s in 4th grade.  My dad taught me not to take shit from any body.  In 5th grade I ran into my first "Bully" after moving back to Sioux City from Mapleton.  I think I started to identify myself as someone who was smart and would accomplish great things as a defense mechanism to deal with being bullied.  I also fought back and stopped two different "bully"s in 5th grade and a couple more in 6th grade.  I think I was treated special by both parents out of guilt from their divorce when I was 3.  Slowly throughout my childhood and school years, I decided to identify myself as someone who was determined, hard working, and great.  Now with the bar set so high, I have to live up to my own expectations, OR face coming to terms with not being who I thought I was.

I really just want to start my own business and make a lot of money to prove I can do it.  Prove it to myself and everyone around me.  Prove I really am great just for the sake of being it.  I don't care about construction, it's just a vehicle in an impossible profession to prove to myself I am hard working, determined, and great.  

7.  Why did you decide to identify yourself as someone who was great?

It is a product of how I was raised.

I get why I want to be great, but what do I do with this new info?  How does it change anything?  

I feel calmer knowing why I am how I am.  Not sure what this means yet.  I'm going to start with another line of "whys" and see where it takes me.

1A.  Why else do you want to make a lot of money?

I want to have and experience great things.  

2A.  Why do you want to have and experience great things?

I only get to live once, and I want to make the most of my experience.

3A.  Why do you want to make the most of your experience?

Because it will be more fun.

4A.  Why do you want to have more fun?

Ha Ha, To prove I am great, prove it to whoever cares to watch.  (which is really no body)

5A.  Why do you want to prove you are great?

So I can keep my self identity.

6A.  Why keep your self identity?

I am scared to be someone new.  I've spent 35 years trying to be who I convinced myself I was at a young age.

7A.  Why are you scared to be someone new?

Damn, I've set myself up for stress in a pressure cooker.  It's just as scary to do what I have to do to keep my identity as it is to change my identing by not acheiving my goals.  My only relief is in succeeding at building a business that makes good money so I can finaly be "great".